Hit The North
1990 - 1993
Graveyard Shift
1993 - 1997
Breakfast Show
Afternoon Show
1997 - 2004

The Early Afternoon Show

Mark Radcliffe (right) & Lard (left)Since Mark Radcliffe and Lard started on the Breakfast Show the listening figures had always been going down. It wasn't really their fault, the numbers started dropping before Chris Evans left. When he was replaced by two Northern tosspots that most people had never heard of, the numbers were bound to go down even further. After 6 months on the Breakfast Show Mark and Lard agreed with Roger Bannister that it would be best if they left the Breakfast Show to be replaced by Zoe Ball and Kevin Greening. They got the 2-4pm slot which is known as The Early Afternoon Show, and that is where they are today. This is the show broadcast live from Studio 5 of BBC Manchester. Mark is allowed to pick 4 tunes of his own choice for each show, the rest must come off the Radio 1 playlist. It won the 1998 and 1999 Gold Sony Award for the Best Daytime Radio Show. Recent figures show that Mark and Lard's audience has recently gone up to 5.3 million, up by half a million in one year. On 19th February 2001 their show moved to the 1-3pm timeslot.

Featured Afternoon Show Quality Items

Lard's Animal Sanctuary

Fat Harry White's Passion Wagon

- Including your Bobbins Love Sign Of The Day

In-Depth Reportage

The Early Afternoon Show Quality Items

One Man & His FrogFrog

Only Slightly similar to One Man and His Dog. A frog handler demonstrates his frog's abilities around an obstacle course while Mark narrates. Frogging expert Scroff Crudle is there to give his expert opinion on the events. Frogging used to be a male only event, but at this years Annussol it has been made into a mixed event. The Annussol is the most important event in the frogging calender, followed closely by the Pepto-Bismol.

Frogging Anus-Ol 1999
A rare press photo from this years Annussol

The 1999 Annussol started on the 21st June and was a big success. The winner was Frarge Boffle-Nurp.

The Cheesily Cheerful Chart Challenge

Mark and Lard choose a current news story and you can phone in suggestions for related records. From this they compile a Top 10 list, the top 3 get played on the show. Phrases often heard in the CCCC include:

"Here we go with the rundown of the top 10."

"Slam Dunkin' Our Kid, Slam Dunkin in at 8..."

"3 records have sensaaa ............ tionally slam dunked into the top 3 in the last 24 hours. And propping up the top 3 like .................... but with records it's ..."

Lard's Cheeky Wind Ups

Lard makes a wind up call to a member of the public. Unfortunately for him the 'victim' always seems to realise that it is Lard who is phoning them. His Jingle goes "He's the cheeky wind up scampster, and he's on the radio!"

  • Windup - Decorator
  • Windup - Dentist
  • Windup - Garage
  • Windup - Store

Vague News

News reports from the BBC which are very vague. These are great for people who want the news but aren't bothered with dull details. 'North West Tonight' news presenters; Martin Henfield, Nigel Jay (The Jay Report) and Deborah Hawkes have all done presenting duties on this item.

The Competitions

Dobbins Or Bobbins - A telephone quiz first done on The Breakfast Show, where people have to guess if the names they are given are a Horse's name (Dobbins), or made up (Bobbins). They £5 for each correct answer. It's introduced by Cornelius Lycit. Amazingly they had a clean sweep on the very first one. The top prize is to have a race named after you at Haydock Park.

Two Peas in a Pod- Music knowledge telephone quiz for two participants who are given the names 'one pea' and 'two pea'. If they know out the answer to a question they have to shout out either 'one pea' or 'two pea'. They get £5 for each correct answer.

Pigment or Figment - Telephone quiz where the participant has to say is a colour is actually a paint (pigment) or if it does not exist (figment). They get £5 for each correct answer. Gordon Burns (who is a news reader for Northwest Tonight) does the intro jingle for this quiz.

Flick Or Trick - Phone quiz where people have to say if a film really exists (flick), or if it is totally made up (trick).

Chalk Or Cheese - A quiz for two telephone contestants. One takes the name of 'Chalk' and the other is 'Cheese'. One of the contestants is always really nice, and the other is really nasty. After the quiz Mark concludes that they were like 'Chalk and Cheese'.

Plant or Pant - Similar to Flick or Trick, but you have to guess if a word is a plant (green thing that grows in ground) or if it a pant. (This does not mean y-fronts, it means that it is not a plant). The top prize was to have a petunia named after you.

Group Or Poop? - Totally different to Pigment or Figment. The telephone contestant has to say if a name is a band name (group) or a made up name (poop). You get £5 for each correct answer. Mark has perfected his pre-quiz chit chat into an art form. eg.

I've heard about a Scrawn & Lard Website but don't know if it's worth investing the price of a phone call to look at it. If only I knew someone who had seen it.

I have.

Oh, really? What's it like?

It's alright.

Blimey! Lard fire up that computer and get us hooked up to the fishing net post haste!

The Crap Town Factor - A telephone quiz where the contestant has to say if the names of certain towns are "On The Map" or a "Load Of Crap". They get a £5 Costly Disc token for every question that they get right. The Crap Town Factor music is a version of Wheezer's 'Buddy Holly' from 'The Moog Cook Book'

The Spice is Right - The participant starts with £50. They are then asked 5 questions and lose £10 for each one that they get wrong. The money is supposed to be used for a meal out. This quiz is only done on Fridays.

It's A Mystery - Each day a penniless social misfit is given the chance of winning £5 if they can identify the mystery voice. No one ever seems to guess the correct identity. When they are given the answer they always respond with a big WHOOOOOOOO!

The Adventures of Slim and Shady - The adventures of the two little woodland squirrels. It is the Afternoon Show version of Nut Chip Chirulduck as featured on the Graveyard Shift.

The Radio One Antique Roadshow- This is the antique spot which takes place in the BBC canteen during the show. It usually seem to feature some loud-mouthed old person who is eager to make a fast buck.

Dick The Buttock Scruttock Sightings- People can report their sightings of 'Dick' to the show. Dick is one of Lard's close personal chums.

The Mark Radcliffe Show - A TV show within the radio show. Like the Jerry Springer show they discuss burning issues of the day, except that it has a different name.

Budgie Promotion - Mark & Lard were huge fans of 70 & 80's rock Gods Budgie. So when they heard that Budgie were reforming, they decided to shamelessly promote that band on their show.

Budgie Live
Budgie Live

Beat The Clock - A contestant has to guess what song is playing. When the contestant knows what the mystery tune is he/she must shout "Stop!". If the answer is correct then he/she wins one pound for each second of the song that is remaining.

Otto & Otto - The German radio show who are competing with Mark & Lard, Mark & Lard often tune into the show to see if they are still, "Skinning Otto & Otto Alive!".

Answers To Listeners Questions - Mark answers listeners questions, but he does not tell us what the question is.

Workers Tea Break - As many workers do not have a proper break in their day to relax, Mark & Lard have set up Workers Tea Break to give all workers listening to the show a chance to relax. They phone up a place where the workers are having a break to make sure that no one answers the phone.

Where Are They Now? - Lard's feature which was previously heard on Hit The North. He tells us about a band or singer and wonders where they are now; usually at the top of the charts and selling millions of records as Mark has to point out to him.

Hat Wearing Listeners - Listeners are encouraged to wear a hat whilst listening to the show, by doing this they have a chance of getting their name read out.

Mouse News - Mark and Lard bring you today's essential news about mice.

Record Of The Week - The Afternoon Show`s record of the week. All the Afternoon Records Of The Week, and Information about them can be found at Paul Speller's Record Of The Week Page

The Early Afternoon Show Team

  • Genial Jo - New Producer of the show (replaced Will Saunders in August 2000) who is constantly causing arguments between Mark and Lard by playing them off against each other. He used to work with Mark and Lard on both Hit The North and The Graveyard Shift as a Production Assistant (alongside Michelle Choudhry and Pat Coupe) until he left in 1996 (he was replaced by Duncan Hair In A Bun) to work in London Village as the Producer of Clive Warrens Early Show and Mark Goodiers Chart Show.
  • Christopher Lee - (Chester`s Dark Prince Of The Mandolin). Studio Manager (engineer). He used to have long dark hair and a goatee beard, hence the Dark Prince moniker, but the name has lasted longer than the hair. Very quick on the draw with the reverb... as in 'skinning the competition <ALIVE!>. Chris Lee is one of the organisers of The Raven Folk Club and is a member of The Family Mahone. He plays in the club's resident band "Full House" along with fellow Mahone member, Dave Rusell.
  • Michelle Choudhry - Production Assistant. Answers the phone. Has apparently invented her own alphabet so that Mark and Lard can't understand any of the messages that she passes to them. Her daughter Daisy has been on a few shows. If she is not on the show then it is probably because she is producing other documentaries.

Former Show People

  • Will Saunders - Former producer. He is shorter and younger than Reece. He has worked for Radio One before as Kevin Greening and Danny Baker's producer but has also done many other things, such as 'Loose Ends' on Radio Four he left in August 2000 to work in London village as "Wicked Will" on Simon Mayos Show.
  • Rhys 'Chunky' Hughes - Producer from Lincoln who supports Leeds United and seems to spend too much on-air time picking his nose. He left the show to be replaced by Will. He moved to the Simon Mayo show before joining The Evening Session.
  • Julie - Former Press Officer
  • Rob Fawcett - (Sickly Rob) Former Production Assistant. He and Michelle are in fact BAs, (Broadcast Assistants), and they do everything from producing the show when the producer is away to brewing up. He is acting producer of special features (ie. documentaries and such like). His Birthday is on 30th November. Was known as Bootsy in Mark's new band The Family Mahone, but has since left the band as he is now the producer on Steve Lamaqu's evening Session.
  • Andrew Fenner from Ormsquirk (aka The Enigma) - Broadcasting assistant (replaced Sickly Rob), who also worked on BBC documentaries as well. He used to work with Michelle as The Master Computer, but left the show in January 2001 to join Evil Wayne Garvies TV Empire.

Other People

  • Caroline Atkinson - News, Travel and Weather. Sometimes known as 'The Voice'. She's married to a man called Dale who apparently works at a 'Sound Company'.
  • Richard Evans - Welsh Newsreader.
  • Gordon BurnsGordon Burns - He doesn't work on the show but deserves a mention as he is the voice of many of the show's quiz jingles such as "Pigment or Figment" and "The Crap Town Factor". He works on the regional news programme in the North West. You can see him on weekdays 6:30-7:00pm on NorthWest Tonight (BBC1). He works in the BBC North Manchester building where Mark and Lard broadcast their show from. Previously he presented The Krypton Factor.
  • Martin Henfield - Vague news presenter. He is a BBC NorthWest news presenter.
  • Deborah Hawkes - BBC Radio GMR presenter who is the Vague News weathergirl.
  • Evil Wayne Garvie - He who runs the Dark side, he is actualy the Head of all TV & Radio in BBC Manchester.
  • Marian Lewinski - Woman who Plays The Adverts & handles the London part of the Show (it was formerly Dave Vitty (now Comedy Dave in the Chris Moyles show) and then Jo Harland (now Jo Whiley's producer). Has also been called 'Mad Maz' from TotalRock as she presents on radio and TV as well as working in production.
  • Peter Hardy - runs the record library.
  • Kylie Minogue - Voices some of the drops (idents) for the show such as:

    "Mark and Lard, perfect, even for those with problem hair!"
    "Mark Radcliffe, free estimates, no obligation."
    "Mark and Lard, Bog-trotting playboys."
    "Mark Radcliffe, carefully designed for your safety and comfort."
    "Mark and Lard, multimedia metrosexuals."
    "Mark and Lard, are you looking at their pint Michael?"
    "Mark and Lard, Two hours of top fight showbiz."

People Who Are Mentioned Sometimes

  • Erk Drey & Skel Nonch - Famous hat wearers who Mark & Lard have the greatest respect for.
  • Earnie - Parcel Dispatch
  • Tommy - Security. Often carries out rubber glove searches. He left the BBC in July 1999.
  • Gary - Security
  • Loz Flash Robinson - Works At BBC Manchester
  • Charlie - Out services, looks like Sean Connery
  • Bridie - Canteen
  • Mark - Canteen, has appeared on the show.
  • Donna - Sports

If you have any comments or suggestions then please email me.

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