Mark: Shopping for Knickers, got the weekend to get through, A nice pair of Y-fronts and a bubble-perm hairdo. Lard: Got a few quid now we are in clover, With a bit of luck tonight I`ll get my leg over, M: Ten pints and some beer nuts, L: And a pebble dash bathroom, Wiped myself down and I was back in full bloom. M: But Lard you look gormless, We`ve no chance of snogging, You`re a physical freak, and your banter is bobbins. L: I pulled last night. M: Yeah, but she dreamt of a fast getaway, L: I pulled a wench, despite my stench, M: She had a face just like a welder`s bench, L: Now that`s not true, I must argue, She`s the best that I will ever do. M: She was nowt special, L: She looked the part, M: Lard she was dog rough L: She had a good heart M: I think I told you right from the start L: What? M: You were just an ugly blee.. L: What? M: You were just an ugly blee.. L: Go on M: You were just an ugly bleeder.. (Lard punches Mark) (Lard`s Guitar Solo) The tune disintegrates from here on. M: Orh Lard, You`ve broken me nose, now I`ll never get off with Louise. L: Oh well, I hear that the base player`s a bit desperate anyway. M: Don`t give me the bass player you gormless twonk, L: I hear he`s a good looking lad and anyway you`re always calling me gormless. That`s twice you`ve called me gormless M: I never get off with anyone because I hang around with you. It`s pathetic. L: You`re an ugly get. M: I`m not an ugly get I`m dead handsome and in showbiz, me. I`m going to batter you, you fat twonk (Sounds of Mark and Lard battering each other) L: Nicky Campbell looks fine compared to you.
Mark and Lard re-recorded Ugly Bleeder with Sleeper actually playing on it. You can find this Louise Wener approver version on one of the Nice Guy Eddie Single`s.
This song is featured on The Worst... Album in the World... ever... ever! by The Shirehorses. For more Shirehorses information go to our Shirehorses page.
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