Ugly Bleeder

by Cheeper

Based on Inbetweener by Sleeper

Mark: Shopping for Knickers, got the weekend to get through,
      A nice pair of Y-fronts and a bubble-perm hairdo.
Lard: Got a few quid now we are in clover,
      With a bit of luck tonight I`ll get my leg over,
M:    Ten pints and some beer nuts,
L:    And a pebble dash bathroom,
      Wiped myself down and I was back in full bloom.
M:    But Lard you look gormless, We`ve no chance of snogging,
      You`re a physical freak, and your banter is bobbins.
L:    I pulled last night.
M:    Yeah, but she dreamt of a fast getaway,

L:    I pulled a wench, despite my stench,
M:    She had a face just like a welder`s bench,
L:    Now that`s not true, I must argue,
      She`s the best that I will ever do.

M:    She was nowt special,
L:    She looked the part,
M:    Lard she was dog rough
L:    She had a good heart
M:    I think I told you right from the start
L:    What? 
M:    You were just an ugly blee..
L:    What?
M:    You were just an ugly blee..
L:    Go on
M:    You were just an ugly bleeder.. (Lard punches Mark)
     (Lard`s Guitar Solo) The tune disintegrates from here on.
M:    Orh Lard, You`ve broken me nose,
      now I`ll never get off with Louise.
L:    Oh well, I hear that the base player`s a bit 
      desperate anyway.
M:    Don`t give me the bass player you gormless twonk,
L:    I hear he`s a good looking lad and anyway you`re 
      always calling me gormless.
      That`s twice you`ve called me gormless
M:    I never get off with anyone because I hang around with you.
      It`s pathetic.
L:    You`re an ugly get.
M:    I`m not an ugly get I`m dead handsome and in showbiz, me.
      I`m going to batter you, you fat twonk
        (Sounds of Mark and Lard battering each other)
L:    Nicky Campbell looks fine compared to you.

Mark and Lard re-recorded Ugly Bleeder with Sleeper actually playing on it. You can find this Louise Wener approver version on one of the Nice Guy Eddie Single`s.

This song is featured on The Worst... Album in the World... ever... ever! by The Shirehorses. For more Shirehorses information go to our Shirehorses page.