Lard: They call me the Hapless boy Lard, Why they call me that I do not know, Mark: Because you`re a great useless tosser, L: Yes I Suppose so. M: On he first day I met him, I knew he was the one, Glazed over eyes and hill billy smile, His cheeks were the colour of his blood red sweater, And the cheeks on his face weren`t much better. L: When I knocked on the door and entered the room, I`ll never forget that look on his face, He would be my first man and with my careful hand, I went (farty noise) fancy a brew back at my place ? They call me the Hapless Boy Lard, Why they call me that I do not know, M: Because you`re a fat gormless pillock, L: Yes I suppose so. M: On the second day I was pissed off with him already, When Roger Banister called me on the phone, He said Bruno Brookes had to go you can have you`re own show, But you`ll have to bring Lard you can`t do it on your own. L: I got started in Showbiz on Radio 1, And after two weeks all the listeners had gone, But at least it`s a start it`s a foot in the door, M: Now I`m stuck with this tosser for ever more. L: They call me the hapless boy Lard, Why they call me that I do not know, M: Because you`re a f****** Lardy arse C*** L: Yes, I suppose so, Yes I suppose so.
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