SongBookThe Happless Boy Lard

by Dick Cave and The Bad Cheese with Riley Minogue

Based on The Wild Rose by Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds with Kiley Minogue

Lard: They call me the Hapless boy Lard,
      Why they call me that I do not know,
Mark: Because you`re a great useless tosser,
L:    Yes I Suppose so.

M:    On he first day I met him, I knew he was the one,
      Glazed over eyes and hill billy smile,
      His cheeks were the colour of his blood red sweater,
      And the cheeks on his face weren`t much better.

L:    When I knocked on the door and entered the room,
      I`ll never forget that look on his face,
      He would be my first man and with my careful hand,
      I went (farty noise) fancy a brew back at my place ?

      They call me the Hapless Boy Lard,
      Why they call me that I do not know,
M:    Because you`re a fat gormless pillock,
L:    Yes I suppose so.

M:    On the second day I was pissed off with him already,
      When Roger Banister called me on the phone,
      He said Bruno Brookes had to go you can have you`re own show,
      But you`ll have to bring Lard you can`t do it on your own.

L:    I got started in Showbiz on Radio 1,
      And after two weeks all the listeners had gone,
      But at least it`s a start it`s a foot in the door,
M:    Now I`m stuck with this tosser for ever more.

L:    They call me the hapless boy Lard,
      Why they call me that I do not know,
M:    Because you`re a f****** Lardy arse C***
L:    Yes, I suppose so, Yes I suppose so.

This song is featured on The Worst... Album in the World... ever... ever! by The Shirehorses. For more Shirehorses information go to our Shirehorses page.

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