M: Oh listen up to Lardy Boy he's got a tale to tell Of gags hijinks and much hilarity L: A yo-ho-ho. M: Supposedly brought in to save this show from being c**p, it's Lardy boy the king of comedy. L: Now I agree with you Mark I really do make this show a treat. M: Hmmm. L: But there's one thing I feel I must admit. M: Just one? L: Some of my catchphrases and gags are just a little tired. M: You're wrong Lard. L: Thanks! M: They've always been complete and utter... er 1FM. L: So tonight the phone lines are open that the public can ring in. M: With top flight gags for you to do on air. L: Ah yes. We'll have a spree: M: Jokes for free! L: And all for me M: But if you don't pay them Lard then I say that's not fair. (Talking bit) L: (Mimicking Mark) That's not fair, that's not fair! M: It's not fair, you know. L: What d'you mean? M: Well, you're getting all these people to phone in with new material for you to do and you're not even gonna pay them. I mean, you're getting paid for doing the job. L: Yeah, well, that's fair enough. M: No it's not. L: Well, all right then, I'll tell you what. M: What? L: Well, if you ring in with jokes and I use them I'll give you a namecheck on air, and I might pay you a bit of money an'all, right? M: Okay, so you've got gags of your own but you want new ones? L: Yeah, 061 200 2207. (Singing starts again) L: Oh I'm hoping that this new material will be better than the old. M: Well let's face it, matey, that won't be too hard. Will it? L: What? M: No, it won't. You sad bloke. L: They're good jokes. M: You're about as funny as Doris Stokes. L: Well, that's rich coming from the man whose catchphrase is "Bloomin' 'Eck Lard." (Talking) M: Bloomin' 'eck Lard. L: (mimicking) Bloomin' 'eck Lard. M: Bloomin' 'eck Lard! L: [Hand fart] I think it would be a good idea to spin another disc in, my baby goat. [his new version of best bang a tune on our kid] M: Hmmm...
Thanks very much to Paul for sending this in.
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