The New Material Request Song

Sung Over Travel Jingle Type Thing

M: Oh listen up to Lardy Boy he's got a tale to tell
   Of gags hijinks and much hilarity
L: A yo-ho-ho.
M: Supposedly brought in to save this show from being c**p,
   it's Lardy boy the king of comedy.
L: Now I agree with you Mark I really do make this show a treat.
M: Hmmm.
L: But there's one thing I feel I must admit.
M: Just one?
L: Some of my catchphrases and gags are just a little tired.
M: You're wrong Lard.
L: Thanks!
M: They've always been complete and utter... er 1FM.
L: So tonight the phone lines are open that the public can ring in.
M: With top flight gags for you to do on air.
L: Ah yes. We'll have a spree:
M: Jokes for free!
L: And all for me
M: But if you don't pay them Lard then I say that's not fair.

(Talking bit)

L: (Mimicking Mark) That's not fair, that's not fair!
M: It's not fair, you know.
L: What d'you mean?
M: Well, you're getting all these people to phone in with new
   material for you to do and you're not even gonna pay them.
   I mean, you're getting paid for doing the job.
L: Yeah, well, that's fair enough.
M: No it's not.
L: Well, all right then, I'll tell you what.
M: What?
L: Well, if you ring in with jokes and I use them I'll give
   you a namecheck on air, and I might pay you a bit of 
   money an'all, right?
M: Okay, so you've got gags of your own but you want new ones?
L: Yeah, 061 200 2207.

(Singing starts again)

L: Oh I'm hoping that this new material will be better than 
   the old.
M: Well let's face it, matey, that won't be too hard. Will it?
L: What?
M: No, it won't.
   You sad bloke.
L: They're good jokes.
M: You're about as funny as Doris Stokes.
L: Well, that's rich coming from the man whose catchphrase
   is "Bloomin' 'Eck Lard."

(Talking)

M: Bloomin' 'eck Lard.
L: (mimicking) Bloomin' 'eck Lard.
M: Bloomin' 'eck Lard!
L: [Hand fart] I think it would be a good idea to spin another
   disc in, my baby goat. [his new version of best bang a tune
   on our kid]
M: Hmmm...
Thanks very much to Paul for sending this in.