Mark: Well showbiz is a tiering game as me and Barrymore know, All that entertaining and brushing your hair, Lard: And being smarmy so the public don`t know you`re a ball of slime, With dirty soiled baggy underwear, M&L: Ohhhh, M: Thank you Lard for pointing that out, But I do deserve a holiday, L: And while you`re gone don`t worry about the show, Oh no, no, no, I`ll fill you`re seat quite snugly with my ample hairy cheeks, And Hilarious catchphrases like 'Ho Ho'. M&L: Ho Ho! M: Oh Lard, Oh Lard, Oh Lard, Oh Lard, You sad deluded fool, To think you`ve got what it takes to be a star, L: To be a star, M: You`re thick, L: I`m slick, M: You`re a f****** prick, So that`s why I`ve left the show to Mark Lamarr, (Speaking bit) L: Wot! M: Mark Lamarr, he`s doing the show for a couple of weeks, L: You despicable little twonk, What do you mean Mark Lamarr? M: He`ll do a good job, You know he`s got nice smooth hair. L: Smooth hair, it`s only smooth because he puts chip grease all over it. He can`t even keep his headphones on for five minutes, they`re slipping all over the show. I`ve got a, Look at this letter here "Lard you`re brill, Mark you`re crap!". That`s the kind of stuff the public want and you`re givin` it him. M: Ooorh Lard, (Singing starts again) L: Oorh God, You`ve let me down, We`re supposed to be a top double act like Little and Wize, You`ve betrayed your mate for that sad and brillcreamed git, M: No I've not, I`ll tell you what, L: Wot? M: I`ll give you a shot, on the condition that you can stop being so s***. L: Wot! M: You heard L: You cheeky, cheeky twat, you can call me a **** but you can`t call me a **** you f*****.
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