SongBookThe Holiday Song

Sung Over Travel Jingle Type Thing

Mark: Well showbiz is a tiering game as me and Barrymore know,
      All that entertaining and brushing your hair,   
Lard: And being smarmy so the public don`t know you`re a ball of slime,
      With dirty soiled baggy underwear,
M&L:  Ohhhh,
M:    Thank you Lard for pointing that out,
      But I do deserve a holiday,
L:    And while you`re gone don`t worry about the show,
      Oh no, no, no,
      I`ll fill you`re seat quite snugly with my ample hairy cheeks,
      And Hilarious catchphrases like 'Ho Ho'.
M&L:  Ho Ho!
M:    Oh Lard, Oh Lard, Oh Lard, Oh Lard,
      You sad deluded fool,
      To think you`ve got what it takes to be a star,
L:    To be a star,
M:    You`re thick,
L:    I`m slick,
M:    You`re a f****** prick,
      So that`s why I`ve left the show to Mark Lamarr,

(Speaking bit)

L:    Wot!
M:    Mark Lamarr, he`s doing the show for a couple of weeks,
L:    You despicable little twonk,
      What do you mean Mark Lamarr?
M:    He`ll do a good job, 
      You know he`s got nice smooth hair.
L:    Smooth hair, it`s only smooth because he puts chip grease
      all over it. He can`t even keep his headphones on for five
      minutes, they`re slipping all over the show. I`ve got a,
      Look at this letter here "Lard you`re brill, Mark you`re
      crap!". That`s the kind of stuff the public want and you`re
      givin` it him.
M:    Ooorh Lard,

(Singing starts again)

L:    Oorh God, You`ve let me down,
      We`re supposed to be a top double act like Little and Wize,
      You`ve betrayed your mate for that sad and brillcreamed git,
M:    No I've not, I`ll tell you what,
L:    Wot?
M:    I`ll give you a shot, on the condition that you can stop
      being so s***.
L:    Wot!
M:    You heard
L:    You cheeky, cheeky twat, you can call me a **** but you
      can`t call me a **** you f*****.

Main | Show Guide | Mark & Lard Story | Songbook | Shop
Early Afternoon Show | Breakfast Show
Graveyard Shift | | Hit The North
The Unofficial Mark Radcliffe & Lard Site
Copyright © 1997 - 2017 email

Hosted by 1&1