Lard: Oh I am into sport now Scrawny, It is flipin` fab, It`s better than Pop music so I Say Mark: Oh do you now? L: And I think cricket is the best, Even better than naked twister, M: Yes, but that`s only because they keep the bar open all day L: No it`s more than that, Though that of course is something of a plus, M: But crickets about a bloke who`s hit a ball, L: Or perhaps misses. L: Oh, watching grown men sticking their heels into a dirty crease, M: And you can watch all this whilst you`re getting pissed. L: Now that`s true! M: Oh Lard, Oh Lard, Oh Lard, Oh Lard, You oafish large baboon, I fear I know where this songs going to go. L: Oh do you? M: I do to, L: Oooh, Oo, Oo, Oooh, M: In a load of sad filth and innuendo. (Spoken bit during guitar solo) L: Wot! M: It` just a cheap excuse to get a crappy joke in this, L: No it`s not, what do you mean oh ye of little faith. M: You know nothing about cricket, you`ve never been interested. L: That`s what I`ve been doing all this time, That Brian Lada fella, He got 5000 wickets didn`t he? M: Lara not Lada. L: Yeah, That`s the bunny. M: And he didn`t get 5000 wickets He got 501 runs, not out. L: Well I was close, Anyway what do you mean, It`s good cricket. M: You just know nothing about it at all. L: You sad man. (singing starts again, Lard sounding angry) L: Oh How dare you cast aspersions on my new found sport hobby, Filling it with filth would be just quite silly, M: No it`s not, M&L: Dot, dot, dot, dot, M: Give it a shot. L: OK, And the bowlers holding the batsman`s willy. M: Brilliant Our Kid, Ha ha, Fantastic, Brilliant L: Jobs a Good un.
Song Fact: The "And the bowlers holding the batsman`s willy", was actually on what was said about the players in a real test match. The actual quote was, "The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willey..." (Fact by Gary Fenn)
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