Lard: Oh love and sexy romance, They are blossoming in the air, On Roger Bannisters 1 FM you know, Between yours truly, Lardy boy and the Goddess Of The Night Mark: Well what does she look like Lardy? L: I don`t know! Oh but beggars can`t be choosy and I think I`ll chance my arm, Cos we`re kindred spirits, we`re both on radio, She`s got her own four hour show every single night. M: Yes and you sit opposite me and go "Ho Ho!" L: Ho Ho! Oh yes, Oh yes Claire Sturgess is her name, She`s the Queen of heavy rock, And I love Sepultura and U2 to. Yes she rocks, and she`s a fox And she`s got curly locks, M: So she won`t look twice at a lump of Lard like you. (Talking Bit) L: I think you`re wrong. M: I`m not wrong, I know, Look, she`s being nice to you, She`s mentioning you. That`s showbiz. She doesn`t care about you. That`s seamless showbiz. It`s, nobody, we`re, none of us are friends in this game. We all pretend to be. L: No you`re wrong our kid. It`s chemistry, you know at the end of the show she says "The lovely Lard" and all that. I mean it`s obvious. Peel and Kershaw don`t do that kind of thing. M: They hate each other, Peel and Kershaw, they just pretend to be nice. L: I know but it`s just that you can, it`s, it`s sexual, I'm telling you it really is, honest. M: Oh Lard, Oh Lard, (Singing Starts again) M: Oh Lard, Oh Lard, Oh Lard, Oh Lard, Oh Lard, You sad misguided fool, You couldn`t trap off if your life depended on this. L: Yes I could, and I would, and I think I should, M: Well good job you are in London Claire Sturgess.
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