SongBookFrogEveryone's Free To Own a BitchFrog

by Scoff Cruddle

Everybody's Free To Wear Sunscreen by Baz Lerman

[Spoken]
Ladies & Gentlemen,
Of the class of 67,
Buy your own Bitch.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future,
Bitches would be it.
The long term benefits of bitches have been proved by scientists,
Where as, the rest of my advise has no basis more reliable,
Than my own meandering experience.
I will dispence this advice now.

[Frog croaks and the music starts]
Enjoy the power and beauty of frogging,
Oh, never mind,
You will not understand the power and beauty of frogging,
Because you're only a young un', of 53.

Come By!
Don't worry about spooking taddies,
Or worry, but know that worrying, 
Is about as effective as gurgling the raft in a beetle chasers spang wanger.

Away!
Don't be reckless with other people's spawn whistles,
And don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Slapdash!
Don't waste your time on the outrun,
Or come to that, the veg.

Sometimes you're ahead,
Sometimes you're behind,

Keep your old jaspers down,
Throw away unwanted wellies.

[Gospel singing]
Everybody's freeeee, everybody's freee,
Everybody's free.

[Scoff Cruddle]
Maybe you'll marry,
Maybe you won't
Maybe you'll have children,
Maybe you won't,
Maybe she'll have your dinner on the table at 5 O'Clock,
And maybe she won't.
Maybe she'll leave you,
And you'll have to get a cleaner.
And maybe she won't.

Never take too wide an outrun on the jirrup hurdle,
Always wear your daps in the coldy hole.

Accept certain truths,
Prizes will rise,
Brilton Smner will always be a contender for the anus-ol,
And Bodge Schnart will shaft you given half a chance.

Advice is a form of nostalgia,
Whilst still a young ponder of 64,
Diddy Diddly Tixy Nealy Bint said,
"A fools rush on the shedding ring,
Is kamikaze frogging".

Everybody's free to disregard the Scoffster,
But trust me on the bitches.
Frog

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