The Rabbi is one of the few Characters to feature both on The Graveyard Shift and The Breakfast Show. He is here to enlighten our lives by giving us wise words and helpful ideas in his regular "Thought For The Day Slot". He talks about life and what he`s been up to which seems to consist mostly of getting rat arsed, watching porn and getting into fights. He bring philosophy to the show by telling us stories that are "A Bit Like Life". On the Breakfast show he now takes your calls and tries to help you with your problems. He will give you a slant on life (whatever that means).
The music played in the background of the Rabbi's slot is Aquarium from Carnival of The Animals by Saint Saens.
Rabbi: Just the other day as I was sat in my local boozer sampling the latest consumerables and getting kale eyed . I saw two men arguing over a game of pool. Stupid. One was very tall and the other was very small and I thought to myself "This is very like life" and I thought it was very like the story of David and Golioth, which is also very like life.
Mark: Very Similar
Rabbi: Yes and as the tall one was about to bring his cue crashing down on the skull of the little one I said
"No stop! You immoral bully, why don`t you pick on someone your own size"
And do you know what Mark?
R: He stopped.
M: Did he?
R: And he looked at me and he looked me straight in the eye and he said "You`re right, you`ll do". And you know he battered me, he give me a right beating, I`m going to have him next time, I`m going to get Andy Kershaw to leather him.
M: Are you?
R: Skum bag
M: I think we can all learn something from that.
R: Yeah, well keep out. If somebody`s battering somebody just let em get on with it.
M: It`s very like life that.
R: It`s very like life.
Rabbi: Just the other day, well it was 3 years ago actually, while I was taking a sabbatical in Spain, which is a holiday Mark, I was approached by a man with a Chimpanzee and I thought, "My luck`s in!" Well I was disappointed but the man offered to take my picture with the Chimpanzee for 300 percetas and I thought "Yes this is very like life Mark".
Mark: Thought it might be.
R: Yes, man and beast working together in harmony and love, and then I thought "No! this is cruel, this is abhorrent, this is poor, poor, poor. It`s a defenceless animal which is being exploited". So do you know what I did Mark?
R: I grabbed the monkey and I legged it and I hid him in my suitcase and I brought him home and I got home and I unpacked my suitcase, and he was dead, he was as dead as a dead thing.
R: and I welled up and I felt so bad for this creature that I skinned it and I sold it for £30 so it`s a rug now, my mate`s got it, it`s fantastic.
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